Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

When I first started out at my new school, during the last day of orientation to be exact, a guy from Social Board approached me and asked me to join an in-campus competition.

I, of course, upon knowing what it is, laughed out loud. But since the guy said I have to go through an interview process before it is all finalised, I agreed to it. I thought it would be funny. Me, Aqilah, join such competition? Totally out of character.

I told my sister and cousins about it. Thinking they would see the humor in it. They didn't. In fact, they pretty much threatened me to join this thing, put all my effort in, and win it. Or suffer their wrath.

So, I went to the interview, got accepted.

I, Aqilah Zaiyanie, the girl who doesn't own a single skirt, likes to wear tee, jeans and boots, couldn't be bothered about moisturiser or toner or all those skin products, is a finalist for the Miss INTI 2012 competition.

Go on. Laugh all you want. Get it over with. Most of my close friends already did.

When you are done, please click here and vote for my picture. Facebook Likes are worth 5% to the final results on the crowning of the Mr & Ms INTI.

What? I was in competitive sport before, that means I don't like to lose. So, do your part and help me!

Why did I join this event, you ask? Apart from the fear of my cousins' wrath, I thought it would be fun. At least, somewhere along the future, I would look back, and laugh at myself. We don't really have to wait long for that, I am already laughing at myself. It is an experience. When will I get the chance to do this again if not now, right?

So, again. Click  here  and vote! Do your part!

Thank you!

New Home

For the next 12 months, as according to the contract I drafted and signed, this is my new home.

That is my room. Decorated it myself. In fact, before any other furniture was brought in, I finished the workstation first.

Simple, just the way I like it.

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My Generasi

This video certainly brings back a lot of memories from my childhood. How we were like back in primary school days.

Curiosity.

Have you ever wanted to drive straight into the wall,
just to know what it feels like:
to have the airbag smashed into your face,
to have the impact knocked you unconcious,
to be rushed to the nearest hospital in an ambulance,
to get the paramedics to use the defribillator on you,
to be cut open while under anaesthesia,
to survive a surgery,
even if you didn't survive,
to know that there'll be someone crying for you?

I do. Or did.

I crashed into a wall. And burned.
It wasn't planned or done purposely.
It hurts, more than anticipated.
Don't know if I'll okay.
But I'm glad. I'm happy.
To know how all those things feel like.
Even if everything now changed.
The scars will always be there.
It'll fade away, but I'll always know its there.
I'll always remember;
how it started, how it ended.

Thank you,
for letting me feed my curiousity,
when I didn't even plan for it.
Thank you,
for cutting the brakes of my car,
when I'm not brave enough to do it.
Thank you,
for making me feel again,
when I'm cold and numb.

Ludahan Kepala Dan Jiwa

Ditujukan kepada insan yang telah melukai hati sahabatku.


Tahun baru telah menjelma. Buku lama ditutup, buku baru mula diisi. Tetapi, sekali-sekala, hati terkenang tentang cerita lama. Kenangan, pengajaran, cerita, angan-angan; yang pahit, yang manis, yang mengumis air mata.

Itulah kehidupan. Setiap tahun sama sahaja, walaupun ada bedanya. Persahabatan baru, persahabatan yang hilang. Cinta ditemui, cinta dilukai. Perang di sana sini. Politik dunia yang tidak pernah aman.

Benar. Kehidupan adalah percaturan hidup. Setiap tindakan ada akibatnya. Setiap tindakan adalah pilihan kita. Setiap insan ada peranannya.

Benar. Kita hanya merancang, Tuhan menentukannya. Tapi wajarkah untuk diri kita menunding semua akibat daripada pilihan yang kita buat kepada Tuhan?

Kita patutnya lebih bertanggungjawab terhadap semua tindakan, pilihan yang kita ambil. Bukannya setiap kali rancangan tidak menjadi, kita berkata "oh, Tuhan yang menentukannya."

Pernah kah Tuhan menyuruh kita, "Anda perlu memenangi hati wanita itu, dengan apa cara sekali pun. Berikan janji-janji manis duniawi kepadanya. Lakukannya sepenuh hati." Tetapi bila telah berjaya, terus berputus asa tanpa memberi sebarang penjelasan, tanpa sebarang timbangrasa terhadap si dia? Cuma berkata ianya rancangan Tuhan.

Tidak. Jangan salahkan Tuhan terhadap tindakan sendiri. Terhadap sikap tamak diri sendiri.

Dirimu selalu mewarwarkan diri bagaikan seorang insan yang serba kekurangan, yang sering dianiayai orang lain, yang sering dilukai. Sikap rendah diri mu telah menawan hatinya. Tetapi rupanya ianya hanya topeng. Hanya hiasan.

Dan kau telah guna bucu tajam topengmu itu untuk menikam hatinya.

Dia mempercayai kata-kata dustamu, walaupun diriku telah memberi amaran. Walaupun kau telah memanggilnya dengan kata-kata kesat? Dan inilah balasan yang kau beri?

Jangan kau kata ini rancangan Tuhan. Kerana tiada siapa tahu apa yang Tuhan telah rancangkan.

Buka lah topengmu. Lihatlah cermin itu. Jujurlah pada diri sendiri. Cukuplah dengan semua ini.